You hear the term spiritual bypassing more and more frequently in conversations taking place in New Age and spiritual communities, but what does it mean? Have you done it yourself? And why is it problematic? This post will explore the concept and describe ways you can stop bypassing and start transforming!
Introduced by psychologist John Welwood, known for his integration of psychological principles and spiritual teachings, the concept of spiritual bypassing is the tendency to use spirituality and spiritual techniques to avoid doing the tough work required for growth and development. Any spiritual practice be it yoga, meditation, a personal development program, or restrictive dieting, can be used to bypass. Other, vaguer spiritual behaviors ranging from grandiosity or humbleness to extreme generosity or perpetual pursuit of spiritual goals are also common bypassing techniques.
The pursuit of spiritual practice naturally brings up issues that require acknowledgment and resolution. When “being spiritual” is used to sidestep fixing the issues, that’s bypassing. At its best, a spiritual path guides and transforms, but it can also distract you from the challenges and emotional pain of day-to-day life.
So what’s the problem?
Spiritual bypassing is a barrier to being present and doing the deep, difficult work required for growth. It is a relatively common phenomenon across spiritual communities. We all know at least one person who always signs their emails, “Love & Light” and won’t allow themselves to have a negative thought or a bad day, feigning constant joy. This is a form of bypassing. The failure to acknowledge and deal with the dark side of your personality keeps you from evolving. Other common bypassers are guru types who are too busy being spiritual to notice that they are self-centered and inconsiderate to the people in their lives, the folks who are always hyper-focused on some new diet or system, and the ones who are perpetually poor because they don’t think money is spiritual. I suspect that part of the reason bypassing happens is that the work is arduous, and the tools aren’t always obvious or readily available. For some, it’s difficult to reconcile a spiritual life with emotional challenges; they think that being spiritual means the eradication of discomfort and negativity. (Hint: it doesn’t, though having a spiritual inner-life does provide you with lots of great tools for working with discomfort instead of against it.)
Bypassing the work
What does bypassing look like in practical terms?
- Failure to take practical action in life (relationships, career) for spiritual reasons
- Not dealing with shadow issues
- Burying trauma instead of working through it
- Avoiding fears through justification and rationalization
- Leaving old wounds unhealed and unresolved
- Failure to act on insights perceived as negative
- A false sense of wisdom and progress
- False humbleness
- Justification of unhealthy behaviors
- Extreme spiritual practices that cut you off from the world
- Beliefs such as “Money isn’t spiritual” that hold you back and keep you in poverty
- Avoidance
- Intellectualizing or being “in your head” to avoid emotions
- Rationalizing and making excuses for weakness and shortcomings
- Spiritual escapism in any form
- Extreme optimism, ignoring negativity in any form
Using various spiritual & psychological tactics to bypass
Spiritual bypassing is considered a defense mechanism or avoidance technique whereby the mind uses any number of tactics to ignore painful emotions. Unfortunately, continually learning or practicing new methods, techniques, or philosophies while ignoring the real-world problems right in front of you is just another way of dropping out. Forgoing the hard work of growth and ignoring negative emotions may seem more comfortable, but the shadow always finds a way to let you know when a transformation is required. Wounds fester. The hard stuff can only be ignored for so long before making itself known. Remember what we learned; fear thinks it is helping us by hiding challenging issues in shadow. At its core, bypassing is choosing comfort over growth. It’s choosing to focus on something external at the expense of personal gnosis. Bypassing allows you to ignore everyday discomfort in the endless pursuit of the spiritual, ignoring the escapism inherent in the perpetual quest.
To stop bypassing, dig deep!
If you have seen some aspect of yourself in any of the behaviors above, there’s hope! In reality, I’m going to share a few tactics, but never forget that you already have everything you need to stop bypassing and start growing! You are sovereign over your emotional and spiritual landscape. Within you is the unique and perfect compass designed to guide you through your life. Listening to your gut will help you move through difficulty more quickly than any external advice.
The process, easy as 1-2-3!
Okay, that’s bullshit. This work isn’t going to be easy. Dealing with fear or trauma means revisiting it and the details that surround it, which means feeling it again and acknowledging the role you may have played in the issue of origin. It’s never fun to recognize your own shortcomings, but it a shortcut to your development. Do the work with courage and let it fortify you. Note that in matters of victimization, the process may require the support of a professional. Please allow yourself to seek the support you need.
The process itself is pretty straightforward.
- Acknowledge pain and fear when they come up.
- Track them back to the origin.
- Do the work required to alleviate the pain.
The work means employing tools and strategies to alleviate the pain, some of these include:
Mindfulness
Being conscious, present, and aware as you experience emotions and challenging aspects of yourself allows you to recognize they will pass. There’s more to mindfulness, and if you aren’t familiar with this technique, it’s a great addition to your toolbox.
Shadow integration
See the previous post on this topic for various techniques.
Overcoming fears by facing them
This can take as many forms as there are fears. Depending on the caliber of the trauma behind the fear, you may be able to use your instincts to overcome fears, or you may require the support of behavioral health professionals.
Journaling
Tried and true, you really can’t go wrong with journaling for increased introspection and discovering insights. It’s accessible and affordable, making it a terrific tool for working through your issues. I suggest choosing a specific time each day to pour your thoughts onto the page and let them flow without any self-editing. Journaling establishes a baseline for progress and enables you to track your triggers and progress.
Taking action to get justice for wrongs
When possible and practical, you may decide to seek justice for wrongs done to you. This can be extremely empowering and healing. Be sure to enlist appropriate support should you choose this path and prepare for the extended timeline of the criminal justice system.
Other activism and volunteering
Activism and volunteering to aid related causes can bring a lot of healing into your life. Helping others who have had similar trauma allows you to see more clearly your suffering and how to heal it. For some, concrete action is a faster and more powerful way to move emotional energy than other methods.
Finally, be creative. Your soul knows how to bring itself back into balance. You have all the tools you need to heal yourself. If you feel called to perform a ritual or give an offering, that’s the right method for you. If you need to write a 20-page letter and then burn or bury it, do that. Listen to yourself. Trust yourself. Transformation is a slow and steady process. Sometimes it involves releasing key aspects of your identity and people you thought you’d know forever. Sometimes it means taking on a fight you didn’t know you had the strength for. Showing up and moving forward with as much dignity, integrity, and love as you can muster will always bring you growth.