I declare this the season of Shadow Work. The fall is a time of decreasing daylight and remembering underworld things. It’s an ideal time for solitary journeys in preparation for the long, contemplative winter. This makes it the perfect time for reveling in darkness and celebrating things that others reject. This autumn, I’m making peace with all my remaining shades. I plan to make plenty of space for them and cast those shadows hard and proud from now on. I invite you to join me.
Don’t be scared of your darkness. Treat it with kindness, give it some warm cashew milk, and run it a salty lavender bath. Let it tell you why it isn’t so terrible. Give it a cozy bed and let it rest, finally.
Why you shouldn’t be intimidated by shadow work
Like many, you may be feeling in the dark about shadow work. It isn’t as mysterious as it sounds. Carl Jung developed the concept of the shadow to explain what happens when parts of the self get fractured and driven into the unconscious. These parts are then forced below the surface of our personality, and we cease to express them. The development of shadow typically occurs during childhood. As we are being socialized and taught what is acceptable and unacceptable within culture, we are scolded or shamed for expressing certain opinions or behaviors, and consequently, reject them. An underworld of these shunned elements and experiences, the shadow is often riddled with parts of the self that inspire shame and fear. It is a graveyard of rejected self-expressions and all the thoughts and feelings we are too uncomfortable or ashamed to reveal. The shadow is an amalgam of the elements we sent away into the darkness to secure safety and survival within the family or societal unit.
Securing safety within family or society may not seem like a powerful motivator to modern people, but we mustn’t forget that our biology has not evolved in time with the rapid changes in culture. In our not-so-distant past, being shunned or cast out from a tribal group meant literal death for the individual. We still contain the chemical & biological remnants of that reality. This explains why the urge to conform is so powerful in our society. Acceptance by the group meant survival to our ancestors and eliminating non-conforming behaviors was a small price to pay for survival within the security of the group. As young people, we react instinctually to shame, so we bury the behaviors that we sense could threaten our survival.
With emotional growth and maturity comes the need to re-examine the shadow. Un-integrated parts have the potential to become the stuff of nightmares, deformed, contorted, and creepy. They lead us to behave in ways that don’t feel like ourselves. After being forced into darkness, shadow elements can become triggers for extreme emotional reactions and lead us to continued discomfort until we welcome them back and allow them the illumination they deserve. All the scary, icky, ugly, uncomfortable feelings and behaviors deserve to be examined and will make a fuss until you allow them their due.
In many cases, we’re unaware of shadow parts until they’re triggered or activated (you’ll know you’ve found one when you behave in some way that is shocking or inexplicable). These encounters, though painful and upsetting, give us the opportunity for greater awareness and wholeness. Like a neglected child, shadow aspects will find a way to express themselves by lashing out if ignored for too long.
How shadow goes undercover
Jung believed that as each person was socialized and exposed to cultural conditioning, including acts of rejection and emotional trauma, experiences in which certain behaviors were deemed shameful or unacceptable, caused individuals to commit acts of self-rejection. This self-rejection meant driving “bad” behaviors into the darkness of the unconscious. Painful experiences are also driven into shadow in an attempt to avoid emotional pain.
Examples of shadow origins:
- Being told feelings or behaviors are unacceptable, weird, embarrassing, etc.
- Being told we were unworthy in some way
- Bullying, scolding, and humiliation
- Being told or treated as if your needs were not important (unmet needs)
- Family trauma
- Physical trauma
- Manifestations of tribal/ancestral wounds
Getting friendly with your shadow
This is subtle work. Through a process of inner self-reflection, you’ll become more aware of the shadow aspects of your personality. The reintegration of shadow aspects isn’t complicated, but investigating the shadow can mean re-experiencing the painful emotions that initially caused us to drive parts of ourselves into the unconscious.
How do we uncover the shadow part of ourselves? By paying attention to the things that get under our skin and cause us to behave in ways we don’t like or can’t explain. Self-reflection paves the way to healing earlier episodes of self-rejection. Below are some examples of the ways that shadow can manifest in our daily lives.
- Characteristics we find intolerable in others
- Situations that seem to be on replay in our lives (negative patterns)
- Emotional withholding and circumstances we are unable to give to others
- Envy and jealousy
- Wounded child behaviors like hoarding and binging
- Self-sabotage
- Self-esteem issues
- Resentment
- Emotional triggers
- Shocking emotional outbursts or reactions
The first step to shadow work is the acknowledgment of the shadow aspect. You can’t heal what you can’t see. Many of us walk around afraid of our shadows, or worse, a shadow of what we could be if we could only accept ourselves and feel whole. The work herein will help you recognize and understand your shadow.
Shadow work isn’t for wimps!
Below are a few exercises and methods you can use to work through the reintegration of shadow aspects of yourself. As with all of my assignments, the first step it to get curious about yourself. You’ll also have to summon some courage. You’ll often need to revisit the site of the emotional pain to feel-and-heal it. Looking inside can be frightening. As one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Carolyn Myss says, “It is in our best interest to pursue the shadow, to do what we can to extricate it and it is also, without a doubt, the most challenging thing we can do.”
A good deal of the work here is tracing back triggers and odd emotions to their origins. It will be hard to acknowledge some thoughts, desires, behaviors, but it’s mandatory. Once acknowledged, many shadow aspects will practically fix themselves. Others will be more stubborn, asking you to remember humiliating situations and painful trauma and accept things you’re uncomfortable with. Take your time with this work. Don’t rush it. Move at a pace that feels right to you.
Remember that fear will always lead you to keep doing things as you’ve always done them. Fear loves the status quo because it feels safe there. You’ll need to move forward with intuition and without any guarantees, into the unknown. It is scary, but what have you ever done that was truly rewarding that didn’t scare you a little bit? Always remember, faith is required for this subtle, precious work,
Philosopher and teacher Neil Kramer says that inner reflection enables you to be a “full-spectrum, spiritual human being.” Reminding us that we must do this work because if we don’t, we’ll be stuck in the same patterns. “If trauma is not fully processed, it rules the person. It dictates everything they do, who they marry, what they wear, the music they listen to, the books they read, the tv shows they watch. Everything they do is a strategy to divert themselves from trauma.”
So, let’s be brave and dig in!
Mapping your shadow
Find a way of visually representing the shadow aspects.
- Mindmap
- Drawing/painting
- Collage
- Cartoon
- Digital representation
- Chart
- Video/animation
This can be a truly enlightening exercise because the unconscious speaks in symbols, meaning that your visual interpretation is a kind of shorthand that may tell you far more than something written.
Interview with a Shadow
Create a persona for your shadow self and interview with it. Find out its preferences, its triggers. Hell, ask it its favorite food and vacation spot. This writing should be stream-of-consciousness and should make you feel you are getting to know your shadow. You could even create a voice recording.
Shadow Journal
Collect and review shadow elements that arise in daily life. If you are triggered, write it down, if you meet someone who gets under your skin, record that too. Eventually, you should have a collection of elements that you can investigate and break into patterns.
You can use the 5 Whys technique to look deeper at any one of the patterns. Learn to work with the shadow as you encounter it.
Additionally, the 5 As method is another great tool (Acknowledge, Allow, (make) Amends, Admit, Accept).
Asking for a hint!
If you think you’ve run out of shadow aspects but still express some shadow symptoms you can ask your self for a clue. It is best to ask yourself right before you drift off to sleep. You can make the following types of request:
- Show me the origin of the shadow
- Show me a memory that needs healing
- Show me something from my past that is holding me back today
Expect pictures and symbols because they are the language of the unconscious. Keep in mind that you are the Rosetta Stone for your own symbolism, so whatever you think it means when you encounter it is the best interpretation. Be aware of how you phrase your description, as well, the words you use are often significant.
Journaling: Shadow Writing Prompts
When you identify a shadow aspect or trigger, look deeply at it.
Start with:
- I am sad/hurt/enraged/embarrassed/ashamed/annoyed that I… (List kinds of things typically cause you to feel the emotion or enact the behavior. Simple awareness/acknowledgment of shadow can move the reintegration forward with light speed.)
Next, ask why:
- Why do I …
- Why do I react…
Finally, consider how you could have dealt with it more appropriately:
- What do I want to have/do/be instead? What behavior/emotion should take the place of the one you don’t identify with.
You’ll notice that most of the work suggested here is personal and solitary work. That’s because feeling safe is essential to walking this path. Beginning alone allows you to figure out what works best for you. There are, however, ways to work through shadow with a practitioner or healer.
Soul Retrieval
There is a shamanic practice called Soul Retrieval in which you can similarly reincorporate parts of the self that split off in moments of trauma or shame. Soul retrieval is a ceremony guided by a shamanic practitioner and is valuable for those with extremely difficult or traumatic experiences.
Reiki
Reiki is a type of hands-on energy healing in which the practitioner directs energy into the receiver, breaking up blockages and making stagnant energy move naturally. It is gentle yet powerful. Be sure to discuss your intention before the session so that the practitioner is aware.
How life changes when you play nice with shadow
The goal of shadow work is synthesis, wholeness, and reintegration of all elements of the self. Your wounded shadow is you at the most vulnerable and most deserving of love.
Once integrated, shadow aspects can peacefully reclaim their rightful place in the pantheon of your personality. They will no longer need to disrupt your life or compete for attention. The return to wholeness means more balance and a greater understanding of what motivates behavior. The most significant benefit of shadow synthesis is that you’re more conscious more of the time. The wholeness of self aligns us with our purpose, path, and the people we’re meant to have in our lives. The inevitable outcomes of shadow work are self-acceptance and self-love, and these improve every part of life. Lasting change and empowerment come from making peace with your shadow.